O Crap...

The last couple of days have been a nightmare. Randy and Ross happen to be stuck in Chile right now on a visa renewal trip. Unfortunately, while they're out enjoying the beach... all seems to be going to hell around here. Most of my problems seem to be stemming from either cultural confusion of being a girl. Dang... it sucks being a girl! (If anyone can come up with some legitamite reasons that it rocks to be a girl... please let me know). So, most of the ministry I do around here is with shoe shiner guys. These guys range in age from 11 to 28 years old. The guys are a little rough around the edges, but they're a ton of fun and I truly enjoy their company. Unfortunately, the fact that I am a girl has recently placed a huge hinderance on my relationship with the guys. Tuesday at basketball practice, Kavil, one of the Bolivian volunteers, pulled me aside to discuss some 'serious' issues. He proceded to tell me that I need to be very careful about hanging out with the guys. That he's heard about some of the guys taking advantage of girls in the past. He told me that I am prohibited from going anywhere with the guys by myself, I am to have him, Randy, or David with me at all times. When I heard this news... I was shocked, annoyed, and probably didn't show Kavil very much respect. Kavil and I have had a good/really difficult friendship. We've been close... but have also had a lot of conflict. All of the guys have asked me if Kavil is my chico (boyfriend) because he acts super jealous and protective whenever I hang out with other guys. So, upon hearing Kavil's warning, a large part of me felt like he was just speaking out of jealousy and being incredibly over protective. I later learned that my disrespectful reaction may have played a large part in Kavil's decision to leave the ministry soon. Later that day, at lunch with the guys, Pedro (the big boss) came by to take one of the guys to the doctor. He decided, however, to first address all of the guys about an issue. He then proceded to very harshly reprimand all of the guys for bothering Hannah and I. He said that we're like daughters to him and that if he hears about anyone ever bothering us, he would personally handle the problem, physically. This came as a complete suprise to both Hannah and I. We feel like we have received nothing but respect from the guys. I have no idea where Pedro got this idea. After Pedro's intense warning to the guys... everything seemed to change. All of the guys were incredibly offended by the accusation and have been acting completely different and weird around Hannah and I now. Upon talking to one of the older guys, I learned how all the guys feel... and he feels like an explanation or an apology would be appropriate on Pedro's part. Then, yesterday, I went to the post office to take care of an issue. Freddy shines at the post office. He and I have been becoming pretty good friends. I have been able to be there for him whenever he needs to talk and vent about all of the crap in his life. Unfortunately, because I am a girl, he has interpreted my friendship as something a little more serious. He has been very friendly with me, and has been introducing me as his chica. So, I went to talk to him yesterday about this misunderstanding. I told him everything that I needed to say... but it didn't seem to be getting through to him. Instead of reacting to the news, he told me more of the details about the crap in his life. I don't know if it's due to a lack of language skills of what, but my way of comforting him has been physical touch. I would hold his hand or put my arm around him while he was spilling his heart to me. I was later advised, that as a guy, when you entrust someone with these kind of personal stories, a level of intimacy develops and it didn't help that I offered my hand to him as comfort. During our intense, long conversation at the post office, I looked up to see Pedro. He never came over, but I have no idea what his reaction was to seeing Freddy and I deep in conversation, hand in hand. In my mind, this was all completely innocent and plutonic, but I failed to think about how my behavior might affect a guy. I eventually realized the seriousness of the problem and was very frank with Freddy about the boundaries of our friendship. He has definately begun to act differently around me. Hopefully out of respect for me, and not out of heart ache. The biggest fear I have is to hurt Freddy, a great guy that has already experienced so much heart ache in his life. All I want to be is a friend that he can trust with all of his junk. Unfortunately, as a girl, this may or may not be possible for us. Last night, all of this crap came crashing down, and I had quite a breakdown. It seems like the crap is really hitting the fan and all of my relationships are falling apart. All I can do right now is trust that this is all in God's plan and that he will use all of this for good and for his glory. Prayers in all of this would be greatly appreciated.